


31

by kitkatz221



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: BAMF Q, Fluff, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 09:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatz221/pseuds/kitkatz221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was well known around MI-6 that there was an "unofficial kill" tally sheet; obviously 007 at the very top followed closely (by 2 kills) by 006, Alec Trevelyan<br/>What shocked new Jr. Agents was the number in Q’s ‘Direct’ column. 31.</p>
            </blockquote>





	31

**Author's Note:**

> Not betad. also im American, so no britsh-isms sorry.  
> Hope you enjoy
> 
> I own nothing.

It was well known around MI-6 that there was an "unofficial kill" tally sheet; a way for agents to see what others was doing.  M knew about it but did not mention it. It was a way for all agents in MI-6 to compete, especially the double 0s; It was a bit like a morale booster across the board.  There were no trophies or medals, or great fanfare, only bragging rights.

This list had been around since MI-6 began but really took off with the Internet. Now there was an online version that could only be accesses inside the building and could not be copied or printed. Only 2 people could edit it, Tanner and Q.  People tried of course, but soon gave up when their personal computers were infected with viruses that only Q could remove after heavy begging and bribery from the offender (Q now received a gourmet cupcake on Fridays, thanks to 002, for 6 months).  There were 2 categories; Direct and By Proxy.

Direct was the agent pulling the trigger or setting the bomb to engage. The numbers included original target and "henchmen", civilians were never added, that was in poor taste. It's no surprise that all double 0’s top that particular category due to activities in the field; and obviously 007 at the very top followed closely (by 2 kills) by 006, Alec Trevelyan, Bonds best friend.

By proxy is the handler/voice in the agent’s ear ordering the kill.  The reason all agent felt this was fair is because of Q. This category was added after Q was recruited as R by the previous Q (Boothroyd). When he was R, MI-6 finally began to accept times were changing.  R decided the CCTV cameras around the world were helpful in monitoring, that computers were the new enemy, no physical bomb to deactivate, the double O’s knew this, so did the previous M. R or a Q-Branch member was always present during an op with a handler (Usually Tanner for the double 0’s). Some agents didn't know how to copy files to flash drives and Q-branch would walk them through the transfer processor if need be walk them through hacking a system so Q-Branch could do it without the middleman (this was before everything was on Wi-Fi). Over time this monitoring was moved to Q branch because they had better equipment to monitor mission activity. When R became Q there was a power shift. Q became a primary handler, he was able to work with and put double O’s in their place when need be, which is why Q is the reason for the By-Proxy category to be added to the list. Handlers were only ever used when Q was not in the building anymore. Q made it normal for the handler and a Q-branch member to stay on the line until the agent was on a plane home. They had to watch and listen to death. They may not pull the triggerbut the mental aspect of killing was just as important as the physical.  So of course Q was at the top of the proxy list by a wide margin. What shocked new Jr. Agents was the number in Q’s ‘Direct’ column. **31**. Most agents came up with their own idea or asked someone, the never asked Q, they never asked Bond, and they never asked another Double O. Most Jr. Agents could not ignore how fiercely loyal every Double O was to Q.  Many could only guess it was because he got them home. He had their respect. And for a Double O to respect a computer Geek there has to be something there.

 

Bond enters Q-branch with a chuckle already knowing what Q's answer was going to be.  Bond received a message saying he was in charge of training the Jr. Agents for the next 3 days due to 006 mission being delayed, by a snowstorm of all things. He smiled. He received a text from Alec that morning as well informing him that the new recruited had found the unofficial tally and had some interesting ideas about how Q had ‘Direct’ numbers. His favorite theory was, Q blew up a building with 31 people inside after Bond failed to bring back his equipment. The Jr. Agents thought Q wad mild and as dangerous as a newly born kitten. Bonds plan for the morning was to change their minds on that subject. Bond was just tired of new recruiters making fun of Q-branch for being geeks and staying away from the danger. These newbies needed to know what they were getting themselves into and who not to piss off. Bond figured he was saving their credits scores and laptops from melting in the long run if they learned quicker than the last bunch...only 1 made the cut after Q dealt with the agents in his own way with a puzzle bomb that ‘exploded’ with a horrible perfume which took days to dissipate, after he found out the Jr. Agents purposefully left equipment in the practice field. Bond had to admit Q was vindictive little snot. Bond chuckled again.

“What are you laughing?” about Q asked without looking from the screen.

“Just thinking about when you made a puzzle bomb and covered the Jr. Agents in neon green dye and the skunk perfume.”

Q laughed and remembered them being green for a week, even after scrubbing. That would teach them to be careless with equipment. He was still contemplating that lesson for the Double 0’s but not sure what the retaliation would be after that.

Then Q gave him a dark look...

“No”

“Come on I only get them for 3 days and I would rather them learn now not to mess with you than in 2 months and all the training and testing becomes pointless.  I would rather my time not be wasted here.”

Q gave him a look. Bond didn't know what to make of it. Q's face was blank. Bond knew he was thinking but wouldn't let him know until there was a conclusion to the thought process.

“Agreed, I would rather avoid my people getting sick again after those idiots last time.”

Q sent out 10 of his own people to retrieve the equipment from the field and every single one got a head cold. Tanner was not happy about the puzzle bomb, but understood once Q explained what they did. This next group was going to be responsible of their own actions no matter what.

“Fine” said Q. “But I don't have anything ready to show them.”

“You don't need anything but a laptop and your gym clothes”

Q groaned but knew what Bond was planning. There wasn't anything going on in Q-branch, he was just working on a side project. Things seem to be calm and boring…for now.

Q grabbed his laptop and followed Bond to the gym.

 

“Alright everyone welcome to today's lesson.” Bond announce walking into the room, walking over to a bench followed by a tall skinny man with a laptop looking like he really did not want to be there.

They were in the gym with sparing mats at their feet. 20 recruits called Jr. Agents. They had already passed the iQ test and physicals, now was the training; Or how fast can they learn to not die in the field. They all took in Bond.  Tall and handsome in running pants and a blue shirt then next to him on a bench not looking out into the group and paying attention to his laptop was Q, in running shorts and a grey shirt, neither had shoes.

All the recruits took a glance at the nerd who was helping the famous 007. There were some snickers. Bond only smiled. 

“Today we will be doing something different than what you have done with other agents. Today will be spatial awareness and self defense.”

A hand immediately went up, a man about 6’2, brown hair and brown eyes, muscular. “We have already done that what is different.”

“Bond smiled, if you plan to let me finish” bond looks at a file on the bench...”Anderson”...The man just smirks. “This will be done without vision, and yes I know you have done this”, he forestalled any comments from Anderson and those around him.

“This time it will be with me and Q. The other agents are good, but lets’ face it, I want to see what you can do. I will be seeing what you can do 1 at a time so in the meantime 19 of you are to stay in the equipment gym next door. When you are done do not tell the others what happened. If you do we will know. And Q will destroy your credit rating for cheating.”  Q looked up and smiled. The Jr. Agents were not sure how serious Bond was but the smile Q gave made it obvious this was not a joke.

One by one each recruit went in with different expression, nervousness, cocky, timid and brave, and came back with their spirit slightly broken; most with bruises forming, some with blood coming from all parts of the body, there seemed to be no trend or pattern. None of them spoke what happened, but it was obvious that Bond was not pulling back or being nice.

Anderson was last. Bond made sure if it.  Anderson entered the dark room.  Knowing Bond somewhere close, he was the true threat. Really what could the skinny guy in glasses do to him except use his computer to threaten him? This was a physical demonstration not electronics to help, Anderson was confident.  There was no sound. Then he was on the mat face down.  Someone had kicked the back of his left knee then slammed his shoulder till gravity took hold. _Shit!_ he thought. He got up, knew there was someone to the left of him. Threw a punch, made contact with something hard, he gave himself some pride in theat. He got a punch in, he made contact with the famous 007. Then he was on the ground again this time side swiped. He decided to go on the offensive, but realized that was going to be difficult because he couldn't hear Bond walking around. He heard himself....his breathing his heartbeat in his ears, but any other person, there was nothing. Then he felt someone behind him. He was thrown backwards and landed on his back with a grunt. It hurt but he wasn’t planning in giving up. He wasn't a quitter. Then he was being wrestled and incapable of moving. How did this happen. He was a wrestling camp in high school. Something was not right. He realized he couldn't breathe; he was in a choke hold. He tapped his fingers and was let up; then pushed to the door of the equipment gym angry with himself, but he was able to punch and make contact with 007. That had to give his points right? The equipment room was quiet. No one was talking, all known that they got their asses handed to them.

 

After a few moments the lights in the mat room came on and the others filed back in. Bond was sitting on the bench with a cup of tea and Q was back on his laptop. All the recruited stood looking at Bond. No injuries no blood, he didn't even look ruffled.

“Raise your hand if you are bleeding” 2/3 raised their hand.

“Bruised?” all of them raided their hands.

“Tapped out?” all of them raised their hands. Some looked around surprised, it looked like everyone failed.

“And broken bones?” No one raised their hand. A few looked mildly shocked; apparently they didn't know that was an option. Bond smiled and looked at Q.

“I'm surprised you didn't break Anderson's arm actually” Said Bond.

Q smiled and looked up. He had a blossoming bruise to the right side of his chin and a small cut on his forehead. Other than that nothing was ruffled.

“I was going to, but I didn't want to do the paperwork. And Tanner would get upset.” Said Q conversationally back at Bond. As if they were discussing a new place for lunch.

Every recruit looked at Q like he was from another world. Bond stood and looked each in the eye.

 

“I did not help Q. If you don't believe this there is infrared video of this training session you may log into the server and watch it. I trust that at least the double 0’s were watching live and making bets on who will stay.  Rule 1 of being in MI-6. Do not piss off the Quartermaster unless you are prepared for the firestorm it will bring from either the Double 0’s, Q-Branch, Me, or Q himself, trust me it would not be pretty.”  Anderson was the palest of the lot.

“That was todays lesson, you are all dismissed, please go visit medical” and with that the recruits left and Q and Bond went to lunch.

Every recruit checked the tapes. By the time field training happened, Q received every bit of equipment from the recruiters. They now had a glimmer of the 31 direct killers this geek had. And it terrified them all. Bond only chuckled.


End file.
